Who Should Take The 3 a.m. Call?

"I want the Iranians to know that if I'm the president, we will attack Iran," Mrs. Clinton said. "In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them."

Mr. Obama said: "It's not the language we need right now, and I think it's language reflective of George Bush. We have had a foreign policy of bluster and saber rattling and tough talk and in the meantime have made a series strategic decisions that have actually strengthened Iran."

- The New York Times

The Adventures of Johnny Bunko

Business Book Creates Chopstick Shortage
Author Daniel Pink, expert, blame engineering subculture

SAN JOSE, Calif. – Plastic forks are rapidly replacing traditional wooden chopsticks at Chinese restaurants throughout the San Francisco Bay Area and a career advice book apparently is the reason.

The Chinese Fast Food Coalition, which represents 140,000 restaurants in the nine-county area, says customers are stealing thousands of disposable chopsticks to summon a sexy, Gen-Y genie in the book The Adventures of Johnny Bunko.

Forced to work through the night, disgruntled office worker Johnny Bunko drops into a Chinese takeout restaurant and is given six pairs of chopsticks. When he rubs a pair together, the genie appears to teach Bunko and his friends the keys to career success.

“It seems a lot of people think the genie is real and want to meet her,” says Ken Wong, EVP of the association. “She’s kind of hot, but, jeez, stealing chopsticks?”

Pink, a best-selling author (Free Agent Nation, A Whole New Mind), lecturer and business consultant says the phenomenon likely erupted in the Bay area because of the high concentration of engineers.

“A lot of engineers spend 20 hours a day focused on left-brain activities like linear logic,” Pink says. “When confronted with a right-brain challenge, such as relating what they take in to experience, they're completely lost.”

Bill Bucy, a writer and 20-year Silicon Valley resident, agrees with Pink but adds another factor.

“I’ve met hundreds of gearheads incapable of expressing ideas in a language other than code,” he says. “Bunko was created in the Japanese manga (comic book) style, which makes it more widely understandable within their subculture.”

Economists Drive AMC Gremlins

"The speech also came the same morning the Labor Department reported. . . . inflation at the wholesale level soared in March at nearly triple the rate that had been expected as the costs of energy and food both climbed rapidly."
-- Associated Press

One Bad Decision Leads to Another

"A 19-year-old suspect was arrested on Friday in connection with a series of highway shootings near Charlottesville, Va., that left two people with minor injuries, the state police said. . . .

"Police officers said [Slade Allen Woodson] was the owner of an orange 1974 AMC Gremlin that appears to match the one seen in a surveillance tape of the shooting at the credit union on Thursday."
-- The New York Times

Street Economics - 1Q 2008

The brilliance of Street Economics is such that it doesn't have to wait until the end of the month to sum up the the U.S. economy. Learn from the facts:

Internationally, ticket vendors at the Taj Mahal refuse U.S. dollars and Bolivian banks urge customers to save in euros.

Domestically, the price of a drink at La Bodeguita del Medio in Palo Alto, Calif. is up 25 cents and a gallon of gas in the tank of its customers' Bentleys costs $4.11.

Really, is there anything else than can or should be said?

What Spitzer Should Have Said

New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer resigned because he got caught fooling around with high-dollar prostitutes. He said something to the effect that the citizens of New York deserved better.

Just once, I'd like to hear an embarrassed public official stand up and talk straight. Maybe something like:

"It is true I visited prostitutes and on more than one occasion.

"I have been asked if I intend to resign. My answer is no and here's why:

"If every elected official who committed adultery was to resign, our state and our nation would descend into chaos. Modify "committed adultery" with the phrase "by visiting a prostitute," and things might improve some, but less than many might think. I refuse to buy into that game of moral hypocrisy.

"Instead, I will allow the constitutional and political processes to play out. If the voters attempt to recall me, I will make my case to them directly and respect their judgment. If the legislature attempts to impeach me, I will wage an aggressive battle armed with the constitution and the law.

"The only legitimately aggrieved people are my wife and daughters. Their feelings and what happens to our family because of my actions are nobody's business."

"I will say nothing more about this situation until events require."

Castro Resigns So Freedom Rings In Cuba!

Except his brother will replace him.

Never mind.

A Fantasy Job Ad

We seek a highly professional (insert job) to help take our company to the next level.

The ideal candidate will have at least 10 years of relevant experience coupled with a track record of increasing responsibility that goes beyond mere job titles. Deep management experience is a must because he or she will be responsible for building and leading a diverse team.

This position requires energy, creativity and first-rate organizational skills.

Note: Regardless of other qualifications, applicants must prove they were born on or before Jan. 1, 1968 to be considered. We do not discriminate on the basis of gender, race, ethnicity, country of origin, sexual orientation, religious beliefs or disability.

Stealing From Obama

Barack Obama has offered just one thing during his run for the Democratic presidential nomination: the hope for change in the nation's political leadership.

That's pretty much all he offers at this point, but it is no small thing. He is different in many ways and his idealism seems sincere. He does not carry the baggage of years and years going along to get along.

That makes his opponents' sudden adoption of his theme so patently cynical. "Wow," they say, "that change thing of Obama's worked pretty well in Iowa, so maybe I should be for change, too."

There are legitimate reasons to vote for other candidates. But their me-too assumption of Obama's theme simply shores up his claim that he alone offers fresh leadership and new thinking.

Bad Times Ahead In 2008

Based on my Sreet Economics Index, 2008 is looking as dark as Dick Cheney's soul. The evidence -- all of it true:

• My house cleaner came into an inheritance but still shows up every week.
• The Popov Vodka bottles at A-1 Liquor are dusty.
• Panhandlers are asking for quarters again.
• My eHow article "How to Prepare For Being Fired" got 82 hits in three days.
• I wrote it for $15.

Forget the Illegals - Deport The New Yorkers

So I'm having a quiet drink at a bar and a couple of guys from New York sit down and launch into the "you can't get a decent bagel/pizza/pastrami sandwich in California" thing, including the worn out "surfer dude" imitation.

Typical New Yorker - walks into a place full of drunks and announces, "I'm a jerk and I hate everyone here."

These same bozos headline their online personal ads "New York City Native Here." Sorry homes, you've just labeled yourself as loud, obnoxious, patronizing and dumb. Why dumb? Only other people from New York will respond so you just eliminated 99.99 percent of the California dating pool. (Almost as bad are the ones who post "East Coast Native," which translates into, "I'm as annoying as a New Yorker, but not remotely as interesting.")

Instead of deporting hard-working hotel maids trying to feed their families, the homeland security people should round up all the New Yorkers in California and drop them off on Ellis Island for redistribution.

Maybe then I could finish my organic, artichoke-infused martini in peace.

The Argument Against Steroids in Sports

The Mitchell report today nuked about 80 baseball players for using steroids, human growth hormones and all that other nastiness, save for amphetamines, the "greenies" Mitchell and the MLB know virtually every player takes or took.

Flaws and all, the report makes one salient point: the use of drugs like steroids and human growth hormones gives athletes an unfair advantage over competitors who worry about testicular shrinkage or whether they might fly into a rage and murder their families.

So what's to do?

Random blood tests for an ever-expanding list of performance-enhancing substances conducted by an independent agency. If, as so often said, the majority of players don't use them, the players' union could easily vote to change its position. And if the penalties are severe enough, at least some measure of compliance with reasonable rules would result.

Absent that, how could anyone ever bet a game?

Federal Judges Fight Back

The U.S. Supreme Court today took a well-aimed shot at congress' attempt to decide who should go to prison for how long.

In a 7-2 decision, the court said federal trial judges can depart from mandatory sentencing rules that require longer prison terms for bad guys who are convicted of dealing crack cocaine rather than the powder version.

In essence, the rule said a crack dealer who sold less than 2 ounces of evil must do the same time as a a different dealer who sold almost 1.5 pounds of evil. This dubious distinction has angered judges, lawyers and civil libertarians for years.

More important than the specific issue at hand is the majority decision's declaration that sentencing guidelines should be "advisory" rather than mandatory. When "advisory' is better defined based on future cases, trial judges just might be able to avoid sending nuns to prison for five years if they try to sneak across the border from Mexico.

Barry Bonds And The CIA

Barry Bonds today pleaded not guilty to perjury charges stemming from his denial of using steroids and so forth during testimony before a federal Grand Jury. His plea came a day after the CIA disclosed it had destroyed tapes showing its interrogation of prisoners held at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp.

Same thing going on in both.

If Bonds goes to trial, his only defense will be that all the other witnesses are lying or misguided. During the inevitable congressional hearings, the CIA will have to persuade lawmakers and the American people it never tortured people so the destruction of the recordings was simply an oopsie.

Neither will prevail and for the same reason: an utter lack of respect for the average person's innate intelligence and common sense.

The Ultimate Xmas Present For A Guy

Victorinox 1.8741

The Natural Order of Things

Could humankind’s assault on the global environment represent the natural order of things?

For eons, species have taken from the world what they need to meet their perceived needs without regard to the future. Just as voracious elephants (family: elephantidae) denude wide swaths of range and then move on, homo s. sapiens similarly addresses the opportunities presented to it.

The difference between the actions of elephantidae and homo s. sapiens is the innate human ability to understand the results of its nature and actions. Using the same thinking innovation that drives the destruction of the environment, humans attempt to alter harmful behavior to extend the life of the species. That creates a direct conflict between two natural impulses.

Unfortunately, the evolution of homo s. sapiens is unbalanced. While it can alter atoms and genes – the building blocks of life itself -- the species lacks the purpose to use the knowledge for good. Releasing the inherent power of the atom was first used to kill; even using fission to create electricity results in waste products that remain dangerous to every living thing for thousands of years. The genetic manipulation of food plants can feed millions of starving people yet is uncontrollable once introduced in the natural world. In that way, homo s. sapiens is little different than homo erectus, which learned to control fire about 2 million years ago without understanding how best to use it.

Perhaps homo s. sapiens will eventually work out the details and find a balance between what is possible and what is best for its future. But it is more likely the species won’t evolve fast enough to prevent it from creating a global disaster. If so, the species will disappear and others will emerge from what is left behind. That being the natural order of things.

December News Preview

Here is all the news we'll read and watch for the rest of 2007. Read the list quickly and then go to the library and check out a book.

Needy Families
Holiday Retail Sales
Top 10 Stories of 2007
Top Issues for 2008
Best of (Whatever) in 2007

Boomers and Technology

I grow tired of the lazy, stale cartoon about the parent who must turn to a 5-year-old to solve a problem on a personal computer. So, let's take a look at just some of the technology created by the Baby Boomers:

Personal computers, the mouse, GUIs, DOS, Windows, Macs, RAM, ROM, LEDs, LCDs, FLASH, computerized design and animation. Not to mention wireless telephony, GPS and broadband.

Anyone heard of email? And let's not forget the Internet and the Web. (Know the name of the boomer in the photo and what he contributed to your life?)

Boomers were using solid state computer technology at work and home before some Gen Xers popped out of the womb. And Boomers set off the explosion in the tech industrial sector before Gen Xers were physically capable of spawning Gen Y.

Boomers created and have lived with digital technology for more than half their lives. Generation X benefited from the first wave of tech's popularization. Generation Y knows nothing else. And so on, and so on.

The next digital generations will get slapped like all before them. The children of Gen Y will demand an implanted wireless voice communication device because all the other kids have one -- at age five. Gen Y's grandchildren will stand wide-eyed at the fact their elders once used keyboards to input data.

Given changes in generational demographics and tech-based medicine, I might even be around to see some of that.

Cool.

Mes Vacances Françaises

I'm in the elevator at the apartment building in Paris. A kid, maybe 12, jumps in and says, "Five, please."
Me: Do I look that American?
Him: Oh, yes.
Me: Would it help if I purchased some French clothes?
Him: Yes, but not today. The best stores are closed.

I grew to hate croissants.

The gay quarter in Paris is also the traditional orthodox Jewish quarter.

A 400-square-foot apartment in a decent area costs about $900K.

Some French cigarette packages warn that smoking reduces sperm count.

A dog died on the train to Giverny.

The WC in the apartment was 1 meter square.

Monet and his pals were party animals.

Baby pig prepared bain marie is flavorful yet retains its uncooked texture.

I purchased six gallons of diesel fuel for $60.

Lawyers Gone Mad

I send someone an email and I get a 402-word (pre-redaction) boilerplate at the end of his out-of-office reply.
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