A Fantasy Job Ad

We seek a highly professional (insert job) to help take our company to the next level.

The ideal candidate will have at least 10 years of relevant experience coupled with a track record of increasing responsibility that goes beyond mere job titles. Deep management experience is a must because he or she will be responsible for building and leading a diverse team.

This position requires energy, creativity and first-rate organizational skills.

Note: Regardless of other qualifications, applicants must prove they were born on or before Jan. 1, 1968 to be considered. We do not discriminate on the basis of gender, race, ethnicity, country of origin, sexual orientation, religious beliefs or disability.

Take That, Delta Zeta

News arrives that the president of DePauw University has kicked Delta Zeta sorority off campus because of the social group's recent purge of the less-than-pretty-and-popular-and-nonwhite members.

University President Robert G. Bottoms told a news conference, "I came to the conclusion that our approaches to these issues are just incompatible." He did not elaborate.

Delta Zeta national kicked out 23 of its 35 DePauw sisters, including all who were overweight as well as the only black, Korean and Vietnamese members. Six others resigned in disgust.

Delta Zeta HQ issued a statement saying it was "disappointed."

You go, Bob.

Dumb Delta Zeta

Omigod, Delta Zeta national swept out the undesirables at the DePauw University chapter. The ostensible reason was a lack of commitment to recruiting. However, as the New York Times reported:

"The 23 members included every woman who was overweight. They also included the only black, Korean and Vietnamese members. The dozen students allowed to stay were slender and popular with fraternity men — conventionally pretty women the sorority hoped could attract new recruits. Six of the 12 were so infuriated they quit."

A spokesman for DZ headquarters said the organization's overarching concern was the “enrichment of student life at DePauw.”

Does anyone have Elle's phone number?