Bad Times Ahead In 2008

Based on my Sreet Economics Index, 2008 is looking as dark as Dick Cheney's soul. The evidence -- all of it true:

• My house cleaner came into an inheritance but still shows up every week.
• The Popov Vodka bottles at A-1 Liquor are dusty.
• Panhandlers are asking for quarters again.
• My eHow article "How to Prepare For Being Fired" got 82 hits in three days.
• I wrote it for $15.

Forget the Illegals - Deport The New Yorkers

So I'm having a quiet drink at a bar and a couple of guys from New York sit down and launch into the "you can't get a decent bagel/pizza/pastrami sandwich in California" thing, including the worn out "surfer dude" imitation.

Typical New Yorker - walks into a place full of drunks and announces, "I'm a jerk and I hate everyone here."

These same bozos headline their online personal ads "New York City Native Here." Sorry homes, you've just labeled yourself as loud, obnoxious, patronizing and dumb. Why dumb? Only other people from New York will respond so you just eliminated 99.99 percent of the California dating pool. (Almost as bad are the ones who post "East Coast Native," which translates into, "I'm as annoying as a New Yorker, but not remotely as interesting.")

Instead of deporting hard-working hotel maids trying to feed their families, the homeland security people should round up all the New Yorkers in California and drop them off on Ellis Island for redistribution.

Maybe then I could finish my organic, artichoke-infused martini in peace.

The Argument Against Steroids in Sports

The Mitchell report today nuked about 80 baseball players for using steroids, human growth hormones and all that other nastiness, save for amphetamines, the "greenies" Mitchell and the MLB know virtually every player takes or took.

Flaws and all, the report makes one salient point: the use of drugs like steroids and human growth hormones gives athletes an unfair advantage over competitors who worry about testicular shrinkage or whether they might fly into a rage and murder their families.

So what's to do?

Random blood tests for an ever-expanding list of performance-enhancing substances conducted by an independent agency. If, as so often said, the majority of players don't use them, the players' union could easily vote to change its position. And if the penalties are severe enough, at least some measure of compliance with reasonable rules would result.

Absent that, how could anyone ever bet a game?

Federal Judges Fight Back

The U.S. Supreme Court today took a well-aimed shot at congress' attempt to decide who should go to prison for how long.

In a 7-2 decision, the court said federal trial judges can depart from mandatory sentencing rules that require longer prison terms for bad guys who are convicted of dealing crack cocaine rather than the powder version.

In essence, the rule said a crack dealer who sold less than 2 ounces of evil must do the same time as a a different dealer who sold almost 1.5 pounds of evil. This dubious distinction has angered judges, lawyers and civil libertarians for years.

More important than the specific issue at hand is the majority decision's declaration that sentencing guidelines should be "advisory" rather than mandatory. When "advisory' is better defined based on future cases, trial judges just might be able to avoid sending nuns to prison for five years if they try to sneak across the border from Mexico.

Barry Bonds And The CIA

Barry Bonds today pleaded not guilty to perjury charges stemming from his denial of using steroids and so forth during testimony before a federal Grand Jury. His plea came a day after the CIA disclosed it had destroyed tapes showing its interrogation of prisoners held at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp.

Same thing going on in both.

If Bonds goes to trial, his only defense will be that all the other witnesses are lying or misguided. During the inevitable congressional hearings, the CIA will have to persuade lawmakers and the American people it never tortured people so the destruction of the recordings was simply an oopsie.

Neither will prevail and for the same reason: an utter lack of respect for the average person's innate intelligence and common sense.

The Ultimate Xmas Present For A Guy

Victorinox 1.8741

The Natural Order of Things

Could humankind’s assault on the global environment represent the natural order of things?

For eons, species have taken from the world what they need to meet their perceived needs without regard to the future. Just as voracious elephants (family: elephantidae) denude wide swaths of range and then move on, homo s. sapiens similarly addresses the opportunities presented to it.

The difference between the actions of elephantidae and homo s. sapiens is the innate human ability to understand the results of its nature and actions. Using the same thinking innovation that drives the destruction of the environment, humans attempt to alter harmful behavior to extend the life of the species. That creates a direct conflict between two natural impulses.

Unfortunately, the evolution of homo s. sapiens is unbalanced. While it can alter atoms and genes – the building blocks of life itself -- the species lacks the purpose to use the knowledge for good. Releasing the inherent power of the atom was first used to kill; even using fission to create electricity results in waste products that remain dangerous to every living thing for thousands of years. The genetic manipulation of food plants can feed millions of starving people yet is uncontrollable once introduced in the natural world. In that way, homo s. sapiens is little different than homo erectus, which learned to control fire about 2 million years ago without understanding how best to use it.

Perhaps homo s. sapiens will eventually work out the details and find a balance between what is possible and what is best for its future. But it is more likely the species won’t evolve fast enough to prevent it from creating a global disaster. If so, the species will disappear and others will emerge from what is left behind. That being the natural order of things.

December News Preview

Here is all the news we'll read and watch for the rest of 2007. Read the list quickly and then go to the library and check out a book.

Needy Families
Holiday Retail Sales
Top 10 Stories of 2007
Top Issues for 2008
Best of (Whatever) in 2007

Boomers and Technology

I grow tired of the lazy, stale cartoon about the parent who must turn to a 5-year-old to solve a problem on a personal computer. So, let's take a look at just some of the technology created by the Baby Boomers:

Personal computers, the mouse, GUIs, DOS, Windows, Macs, RAM, ROM, LEDs, LCDs, FLASH, computerized design and animation. Not to mention wireless telephony, GPS and broadband.

Anyone heard of email? And let's not forget the Internet and the Web. (Know the name of the boomer in the photo and what he contributed to your life?)

Boomers were using solid state computer technology at work and home before some Gen Xers popped out of the womb. And Boomers set off the explosion in the tech industrial sector before Gen Xers were physically capable of spawning Gen Y.

Boomers created and have lived with digital technology for more than half their lives. Generation X benefited from the first wave of tech's popularization. Generation Y knows nothing else. And so on, and so on.

The next digital generations will get slapped like all before them. The children of Gen Y will demand an implanted wireless voice communication device because all the other kids have one -- at age five. Gen Y's grandchildren will stand wide-eyed at the fact their elders once used keyboards to input data.

Given changes in generational demographics and tech-based medicine, I might even be around to see some of that.

Cool.

Mes Vacances Françaises

I'm in the elevator at the apartment building in Paris. A kid, maybe 12, jumps in and says, "Five, please."
Me: Do I look that American?
Him: Oh, yes.
Me: Would it help if I purchased some French clothes?
Him: Yes, but not today. The best stores are closed.

I grew to hate croissants.

The gay quarter in Paris is also the traditional orthodox Jewish quarter.

A 400-square-foot apartment in a decent area costs about $900K.

Some French cigarette packages warn that smoking reduces sperm count.

A dog died on the train to Giverny.

The WC in the apartment was 1 meter square.

Monet and his pals were party animals.

Baby pig prepared bain marie is flavorful yet retains its uncooked texture.

I purchased six gallons of diesel fuel for $60.

Lawyers Gone Mad

I send someone an email and I get a 402-word (pre-redaction) boilerplate at the end of his out-of-office reply.
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This message contains information from XXX, or from one of its affiliates, that may be confidential and privileged. If you are not an intended recipient, please refrain from any disclosure, copying, distribution or use of this information and note that such actions are prohibited. If you have received this transmission in error, please notify the sender immediately by telephone or by replying to this transmission.

This message may include indicative rate information relating to one or more products offered through XXX, or affiliated broker-dealer, XXX. Rates and yields shown are provided for informational purposes only, are not guaranteed, and are subject to market conditions and availability. Nothing in this communication shall constitute a solicitation or
recommendation to buy or sell a particular security.

XXX (sic).

Shares are offered through XXX, a registered broker-dealer and non-bank affiliate of XXX.

Investments in these products require the involvement of a licensed representative of XXX. Investment products offered through XXX are not insured by the FDIC or any other Federal Government Agency, are not deposits of or guaranteed by XXX or its affiliates, and may lose value.

Notice: The federal Equal Credit Opportunity Act prohibits creditors from discriminating against credit applicants on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, marital status, age (provided the applicant has the capacity to enter into a binding contract); because all or part of the applicant’s income derives from any public assistance program; or because the applicant has in good faith exercised any right under the Consumer Credit Protection Act. The federal agency that administer compliance with this law concerning this creditor is the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco, 101 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94105.

Notice: On October 26, 2001, President Bush signed into law the USA PATRIOT Act, which was designed to help the government fight the funding of terrorism and international money laundering activities. To help the government fight the funding of terrorism and money laundering activities, federal law requires all financial institutions to obtain, verify, and record information that identifies each person who opens an account; an account includes deposit, transaction, or credit accounts. To review XXX's New Account Disclosure please visit its website at ....

Listen To The Gipper

"A moment I've been dreading. George brought his ne're-do-well son around this morning and asked me to find the kid a job. Not the political one who lives in Florida. The one who hangs around here all the time looking shiftless. This so-called kid is already almost 40 and has never had a real job. Maybe I'll call Kinsley over at the New Republic and see if they'll hire him as a contributing editor or something. That looks like easy work.

-- Ronald Reagan in his recently published diaries, May 17, 1986.

Google Spam Wins

I go to empty my Gmail spam folder and see this ad right above the delete box:

Spam Hashbrown Bake - Serves 8

I checked it out and it looks great.

Better Stuff Sold At Better Prices

DETROIT, Aug. 1 — Detroit auto companies lost their leadership of the American car market for the first time ever in July, when import nameplates outsold the three American companies in a dismal month for auto sales.
-- New York Times

Dumb Corporate Email No. 1,256

How many times do I have to tell you senior execs to stay away from emails doing something shady? When will you start to listen?

The latest alleged miscreant to ignore my advice is Greg Reyes, former CEO of Brocade Communications, whose options backdating case goes to a federal jury tomorrow. If he goes down, it will be due to the fact he, like so many others, decided it was less work to use email than dial the phone.

Evidence of my wisdom, and his folly, is this from The Wall Street Journal’s reportage of closing arguments. Note that Reyes is accused of illegally backdating options 2000-2004.

“In summarizing the government's case, Mr. Reeves ran through evidence for 10 reasons why prosecutors allege Mr. Reyes knew full well that backdating was illegal. As the prosecutor spoke, he left a large whiteboard on an easel facing the jury, displaying the government's Reason No. 1: An October 2004 email that Mr. Reyes sent to another company's board member in which the Brocade CEO wrote, in capital letters: "IT IS ILLEGAL TO BACK-DATE OPTIONS GRANTS.''

Take This Job And .....

I recently asked LinkedIn members if they had ever walked into a boss' office and declared, "You can take this job and shove it." The best answer came from Bob Fornal of Columbus, Ohio.

" I have. It was pretty depressing how few people actually cared."

Free Agent Generations

I recently interviewed Bruce Tulgan, a researcher, author and speaker who focuses on how to understand Gen X and Gen Y. Like the insightful Dan Pink, he sees the workplace becoming a collection of free agents -- something he believes fits perfectly with the thinking of tomorrow's leaders. A few exceprts follow.
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For example, the old-fashioned workplace was filled with onsite, long-term, uninterrupted, exclusive employees. The future of the workforce is shorter-term, non-exclusive people who might even leave and come back later.

I think . . . that it is the future of work, whether someone is on a payroll or or under a contract.

In some cases jobs are positioned as old-style – onsite, ongoing and so on. But even people in those roles over the span of their careers are experiencing work they way contingent workers do. That’s clearly the trend.

In addition, the distincition between an old-fashioned employee and a contingent is becoming less significant. Frankly contingent workers are getting more respect, more benefits and doing more significant work and those in traditional employee roles will probably say they have less and less security.

But the biggest mistake a manager can make is looking at someone and say, “we've got them.” It’s like if you got married, said "I've got you," and then started acting like a jerk. That’s not a formula for a long relationship, even among people who stood up before family, friends and God to swear loyalty unto death. So why should your employees tolerate that? After all, it’s just a job.

Executive Privilege Not

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Loyal even after leaving the White House, President Bush's former political director Sara M. Taylor obeyed his instructions and declined to answer most of Congress' questions Wednesday about her role in the firings of federal prosecutors.

I don't understand why ex-White House employees think they get a pass on this kind of thing. Under this scenario, a floral arranger could refuse to discuss presidential flower preferences if George told him to keep his mouth shut.

Tough Love for Laid Off Newspaper Journos

Having resigned from and been fired from newspaper jobs, having done corporate and tech PR, having run my own consulting business, I offer this advice.

Do not take a break and decompress. Your severance is your lifeline, not a bonus. Start now to look for your next role in the marketplace because it will be more difficult than you think. Kudos if you began working on it before the ax neared your neck.

Park your ego. Every journalist invests a big chunk of ego in what they do. Despite the value of your last job, it's over and you need to be realistic when you knock on potential employers' doors.

Look hard at your skills. A friend once said to me, "Hey, I can write about anything, I'm a newspaper reporter." A year out of the business he said, "Don't tell anyone I said that." Today, the writers most eagerly sought are in marketing and advertising. And they tend to specialize in sub-categories such as direct mail, online and so on. If you don't believe me, check out the job boards.

A bright spot: If your skills apply to the farther end of the editorial process -- copy editing, pagination, production editing -- your job hunt will be shorter than faced by your colleagues who got to leave the building to earn their paycheck. But understand you're more likely to guide a catalog or a brochure onto the press than anything sexy.

The freelance thing. You know it's a tough grind. But if you want to give it a go, understand it's all about niches -- and, sometimes, niches within niches. Your reporting and writing skills will be invaluable. But most publications need people who are knowledgeable about their specialty. Sure, you covered Cisco, but what the bleep do you know about networking technology and products?

Also, think about the vast space between daily journalism and hacking out news releases. Alumni magazines, Web content and trade publications focused on things you know. Big bucks? Probably not. But if you can balance what they pay against the time you need to put in, you could create a regular income stream.

PR? -- Most companies and agencies today want experienced PR people. (Again, look at the job boards.) Your newspaper credentials will be recognized, but only as they apply to what you covered. Business writer? Great. But are you current on the issues and trends affecting my company/client? Think PR is beneath you? Go get a paper route.

Teach? -- ESL, yes. Journalism, no. People are lined up out the door for journalism gigs and they usually pay less than the cost of the gas it takes to drive to work.

Try something completely different -- You know how to interview people, paw through databases, grasp what details are important and recognize what questions must be answered before the final product is released. Those are excellent skills that can be applied to almost any venture in life.

Required reading: Dan Pink's books. I know him and he understands the future of work.

Scooter's Commuted Sentence

He doesn't have to go to prison.

But he remains a convicted felon, which means his law license is toast, his right to vote is gone and he can't go quail hunting with his former boss because he can't be in possession of a firearm.

Sounds like enough for now. For a guy like him.