Sunday, January 30, 2005

Tips for Women Over 40

Many single women over 40 who seek contacts with men online are accomplished, educated and independent. However, from a guy perspective, too many write awful ads. Here, from a man over 40, are some suggestions on how to make the online mate search more effective – and less brutal for male readers.

Unless you’re a lesbian seeking a lesbian don’t listen to your female friends’ comments about your ad. They are not your audience. For example, men seldom use the word “cute” without the word “kid” immediately following. And you are definitely not a kid.

Give up the “spiritual but not religious” thing. Just say you’re a Unitarian and move on.

Never post a photo of you embracing your beautiful and sexy teen-age daughters. It will increase the number of responses, but not necessarily from men you want to meet.

Dump the phrase “passionate about life.” It’s a baseline requirement given the alternatives.

If you say, “I would like to meet a man who is part of my world, someone educated, traveled, and with broad cultural interests” then don’t say that his income isn’t important to you.

Be descriptive, as in: “I own two little black dresses, a ball gown and six pairs of jeans.” This avoids the “. . . as comfortable in jeans as I am in a ball gown” cliché men are assaulted by all the time. They will be grateful.

Fitness and health are important. However, declaring you work out at the gym six days a week, take yoga classes at lunch, and run marathons on the weekend is going to make a man wonder if you’ll have any time for him. And if you find someone equally fascinated by fitness you should consider the downside of two obsessive-compulsives living under one roof.

Please be clear. “I enjoy a wide range of activities but what I like best is . . .” works fine. But saying you equally love dining out/cooking at home, the symphony/the blues, gardening/mountain climbing and so on, gives a man no help. He might get the idea a half-pound burger with steak fries and a game on TV will make you just as happy as a tennis weekend in Napa and dinner at the French Laundry.

Above all, don’t treat men as if they are stupid. If you are divorced, and live in a community where the median home price is $3 million-plus you are not self employed. Any man will know that you are likely an attractive, intelligent woman who did very well when your CEO husband left you for his secretary.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And what about if I have a barstool with my name on it? Should I mention that?