Booze, Bullets and Bada Bing

Revelations that Secret Service agents might have enjoyed the favors of a more international roster of prostitutes than earlier disclosed raise important practical questions. And they involve booze and guns.

Americans tend to get all riled up over matters of morality and image and such things. In that context the notion of federal agents cavorting with hookers is worth a dark scowl. But the level of scrutiny into the sexual peccadilloes of hyper-macho guys in a testosterone-fueled profession is misplaced.

Investigators should focus on factors far more serious and relevant to the mission of the agency under fire: How much these gun-toting romeos were drinking and how late they were staying out at night.

No scientific study is needed to conclude that hangovers and exhaustion are antithetical to optimum job performance. And when the job at hand is protecting the president of the United States, it isn't too much to ask that agents exert a higher level of personal discipline than a bunch of plumbing supply salesmen at their annual convention.

It doesn't really matter whether the agents involved had front-line protection roles. Supposedly all their work is important to the mission of preventing harm to the president and other top officials. Missing a detail in a report or blowing off a boring task to nurse a hangover can carry devastating consequences.

When the Secret Service fires agents for hanging out with Colombian or Salvadorian hookers it is attempting to preserve its public image. That is far less important than determining whether the agents involved compromised their mission through their behavior.

Pencil Me In

Mellville House

Artist David Reese has written a profound book: How to Sharpen Pencils.

Laugh if you will, but I am sure in my heart Rees' thoughts on the artistry of pencil sharpening will be quoted for years to come. That he is an artisanal pencil sharpener demonstrates his commitment to wood and graphite communications.

Yes, I am, indeed, a pencil person, I have long believed even the most perfect pen has less personality than the five-cent, basic yellow No. 2 we gnawed on as schoolchildren.

The eraserless stick pencil favored by pre-computer-era newspaper editors remains my favorite. I own a small collection of yellow pencils from the San Diego Union-Tribune Publishing Co. and black ones from United Press International. Different in girth and the firmness of their "leads," they each reflect their organization's personality.The Union-Tribune sticks are sturdier and draw a sharper line. UPI's are thinner and wear out more quickly.

When these declining examples of history are trimmed to stubs, I "point"  them one last time and stick them in the pockets of jackets and coats to make sure I will always have something with which to record ideas and the many things I hear and see and absolutely must remember.

One day these artifacts of more halcyon days will disappear into a pile of paint flecks and sawdust. I will be sad. But I will also know that they were used as their creators intended, to communicate and enlighten and amuse. And that will make me less sad.

I Must Buy My Car From the Government

Reuters

As we listen to the Supreme Court arguments on the health care law, understand one point: The federal government already requires each and every one of us to purchase certain products.  Like my car.

I must pay for all kinds of gizmos and features mandated by the feds, including seatbelts, catalytic converters and air bags.

The feds also insist I purchase unleaded gasoline. They tell me I have no choice but to pay for tires that meet specific government safety standards. The upholstery must resist fire of a certain intensity. All of this costs me money and I have no choice but to pay.

And just like health insurance, all of the automotive bits and pieces the federal government orders me to purchase are intended to preserve the health and welfare of me and those around me.

I also know that every one of the 26 state governments arguing against mandatory health care coverage impose specific standards on vehicles that would force me to spend money.

Parents Gone Wild: Pre-preschool

Ventura College

For just $2,555 a month privileged New York parents can enroll their infants in an what amounts to a pre-preschool run by trained teachers.

The Wall Street Journal reports that 300 parents have expressed interest in the 20 slots at the Children's Creative Learning Center and 10 children still in utero have signed up.

The youngest student already attending is 4 months old.

Bad AAPL

Apple (AAPL) plans to build a $304 million campus in Austin, Texas and more than double its workforce in that estimable state, according to Gov. Rick Perry.

In making the announcement, Perry proudly proclaimed that it was a $21 million taxpayer subsidy that prompted Apple to commit.

That's right. Apple sits on about $97 billion in cash and other liquid assets but felt the need to pick the pockets of Lone Star State citizens to finance its expansion.

It's true that all of Apple's money isn't stashed in a corporate mattress and some of it is needed to smooth out cash flow, meet emergencies and other legitimate purposes. But investor Kurt Shrout writing at the Seeking Alpha site contends Apple could pare its cash hoard down to about $56 billion and still be proportionately as fat and comfy as any of its industry counterparts.

And it could pay for a new Texas HQ with petty cash.

Republicans and Sex

Fresh out of new ideas, Republicans are using sex to keep voters interested.

Vanity Fair

A right-wing radio hosts labels a woman as a slut and a prostitute for wanting to avoid unplanned pregnancies.  A presidential candidate says he would deny an abortion to a girl raped and impregnated by her father. A congressman introduces legislation that would require a metal rod be inserted into the vaginas of women.

I would rather not think about what these folks will come up with when the general election is upon us and things get really serious.

Warren Buffett's Successor Isn't Bill Bucy

Time

The announcement that Warren Buffett anointed a successor as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway set off an avalanche of rumors, most of them ranking me as the No. 1 candidate.

Not true. I'm too busy for the foreseeable future and there's not enough money in the world to get me to move to Omaha, Nebraska. Well, maybe.

I Dare You To Find This News Story

"The woman said she found out her house had burned down while watching the news with Maxwell, who told her the house needed to be burned to get rid of his fingerprints..."

OK. It's too bizarre and you have to read it. 

Steve Jobs Was More Important Than Me

Mashable.com

I know this because the FBI kept a file on Jobs and the last time I checked that sterling law enforcement agency declared it had no idea who I was.

Worse: the file said Steve tended to "distort reality" to achieve his goals and my wife says the same thing about me all the time

Damn.

Starvation Is Good For Your

Our friends at The Economist report that existing in a constant state of near-starvation will quite likely help you live longer.

How much you will enjoy your life without energy, ravaged by disease and looking like a human skeleton will undoubtedly be the subject of a subsequent story.

Note To Delinquents: Man Up Or Shut Up

The California Supreme Court ruled that asking to talk to mom isn't the same as asking to talk to a lawyer.

Papermasters

The decision came in the case of a 15-year-old boy who repeatedly asked to speak to his mother while being interrogated by the cops. The kid was convicted but in his appeal argued asking for mom was pretty much the same as asking for a lawyer, which should have stopped the questioning.

The court disagreed, thereby making it clear where moms stand in the legal world.

Pizza Racism And Bad Taste In New York

Minhee Cho, 24, goes into a Papa John's pizza joint on Manhattan's Upper West Side and the teen-age order taker identifies her as "lady chinky eyes" on the receipt.

Cho Tweets. The Daily News follows up. Details emerge.

The owner fires the order taker while blaming her gaffe on "hip hop culture."

The assistant manager says she hasn't seen the receipt or talked to the clerk, but is sure "they didn’t mean to offend her in any way.”

Cho says she "wasn't super-offended" but still felt a need to chastize Papa John's.

A responding Tweeter asks why she went to a Papa John's while living in the middle of New York City.

And life goes on. 

Taking Accountability Too Far

Bill Bucy's Resolutions -- 2012

I will refuse to accept an Academy Award nomination for best actor or actress.

I will stop tipping airline pilots for really smooth landings.

I will refuse to style my hair like Justin Bieber’s even though I can.

I will share my 2012 lottery winnings with my wife because I sort of like her, not just because the law says I have to.

I will give my wife all of my 2012 lottery winnings if she says I can get a Fighting Ducks tattoo.*

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* Selection of the dermal artist and the location of the tattoo will be the sole choice of this blogger. Wife will pay all costs of acquiring the tattoo. Marriage must remain intact after tattoo is completed.

Boweled Over By Activia

Until now, I found the Jamie Lee Curtis Activia Yogurt commercials rather amusing. But in the latest she urges users to keep a video journal of how Activia helped them so I am kind of freaked out about what's next. 


And eager to find out.

Christopher Hitchens and Xmas

Slate

An entirely appropriate time of the year to mourn perhaps the best essayist ever.

Hitchens was no weak-kneed stylist who punked and scorned simply to be noticed. Reviled, hated, never dismissed, the man wrote what he believed.

A few more genius assholes like Hitchens chronicling the world and we might get some things straightened out.

Newt Gingrich Lies To God and Me

Washington Post

Newt Gingrich has on multiple occasions sworn oaths before God to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America.

That doesn't stop him from taking the decidedly unconstitutional stand that federal judges should be removed from office for rendering decisions out of step with popular opinion and forced to justify their decisions to Congress. He also favors abolishing specific courts whose opinions he doesn't like. 

I figure if Newt would lie to God over and over again he wouldn't hesitate to lie to me.

U.S. Gets Shaky About the Death Penalty

The Los Angeles Times tells me judges and juries sentenced just 78 people to death so far this year, a 30 percent decline from 2010.  My home state of California increased San Quentin's death row population by just 10 people, a drop of about two-thirds from the previous year.

Nationwide, 43 people were executed this year, well down from the 52 people the government killed last year.

Some say the decline is due to the fact ever-practical Americans are souring on the high cost of revenge. I prefer to believe it is because we are reasonably fair-minded people honestly concerned about the likelihood that innocent people are sometimes executed.

More Jobs, More Poverty

Two items snatched from today's news:

The number of people who filed unemployment claims last week dropped to the lowest level since May 2008, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

At the same time, the U.S. Census said 48 percent of all Americans either live below the poverty line or fall into the low income category. That is 148 million people living in the wealthiest nation on earth.

Seems like we have a ways to go before we can accurately use the words economy and recovery in the same context. 

Good News/Bad News on Jobs

U.S. unemployment declined to 8.6 percent last month, the lowest level in more than two years, according to the Labor Department. That's worth a glass of champagne for those of us (everyone) exhausted by negative economic news.

However, some economists warn we shouldn't get carried away with ourselves.

For instance, Mark Zandi, chief economist for Moody's Analytics, told Bloomberg that a major factor in the decline was a drop in workforce participation to 64 percent. Calculating in that factor, unemployment is really at about 11 percent, he said. In addition, underemployment is about 15.6 percent.

But, while the improvement seems soft, the trend is up and the experts say that reduces the chance of another plunge into recession.

That alone might be worth a second glass of champagne.