If Leslie Nielsen Can Die...

... what hope is there for the rest of us?

Thanks Caterpillar

Caterpillar buys Bucyrus thereby eliminating BUCY as an NYSE symbol and improving my standing in search engines. 

Now if I can just do something about that &^$#%& dentist in Auburn, Nebraska, I can own the first page of Google results for "Bill Bucy."

More Brilliant Economic Analysis

Downward revision of GDP growth a strong signal of stalled recovery

Los Angeles Times, August 27

Cisco's Chambers Tells The Truth

We need to get something straight about CEOs and their opinions on the U.S. economy: Their guess is no better than ours.

Most of them probably never took more than Econ 101 and 102 -- macro and micro -- and believe me those are far from the most challenging courses. I know because I got an "A" in both.

What CEOs really are talking about when they discuss the economy is how their customers plan to spend in relation to their perceptions of which way the winds will blow. So, CEOs base their opinions on what other CEOs think about what others CEOs believe and we dance in an endless spiral.

Occasionally, though, a big-time exec fesses up to the fact that's he's just guessing and I regain a smidge of confidence in how at least some companies are run. That happened today when I saw an AP interview with Cisco boss John Chambers. As he put it:

"If we were to poll [Cisco customers] I'm sure the average comes in at about 2 percent growth for the second half of the year. Doesn't mean that those customers are right, just that that's what on their mind in terms of their spending pattern. We're not making a call on the economy going down, I think the probabilities on a double dip, or whatever you want to call it, are relatively low."

 Useful information offered in context and candidly. I like it.

HP Slow to Act on Hurd Greed?

Whatever the case against former HP CEO Mark Hurd, it's crystal clear the company's board deserves none of the praise it's received for acting "decisively."

As writer Eric Jackson noted almost a year ago Hurd and his executive team have consistently gone to the company trough seeking such perks as reimbursement for such items as taxes paid on the money HP spent to feed their families in restaurants and and as much as $327,000 in personal use of a company jet. One exec, CIO Randy Mott, even got a 400 percent raise in 2008.

The attitude expressed by the greedy behavior reported by Jackson makes me wonder if Hurd's indiscreet spending amounted to no more than $20,000 as his defenders claim. And it makes me wonder if the seemingly thin claim of sexual harassment was used simply as an excuse to jettison a capable executive with sticky fingers.

Regardless, to say the board acted with dispatch to correct a problem is way off the mark.

Makes Sense to Me No. 423

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard's only debate with her opponent in the upcoming election was rescheduled so it wouldn't conflict with the final of the TV show MasterChef.

“People care about who the prime minister and who the government is, but people are also pretty keen about what’s on the dinner table,” said Gillard.

The debate will be televised July 25 immediately prior to the competitive cooking show.

A Manly Shave Returns

Ah, blood, pain and the closest shave you can get today. Yes, the old-fashioned double-edge razor and those thin, single blades.

A bit trendy just now, but it's a legitimate antidote to the insanity of five-blade "systems" with gooey strips of chemicals glued to the edge.

I switched to a long-handled Merkur razor and Feather-brand blades a few months ago. I also dropped that foamy stuff and went with King of Shaves oil with King of Shaves gel as backup for when I really slice myself into ribbons and need a bit more separation from the edge for a few days.

Yes, it takes longer and requires more concentration, but the morning ritual with a real razor  is relaxing and gives me the closest shave I've ever had.

The Wall Street Journal reports I'm not the only one swimming against the tide. One store in Manhattan says its sales of traditional shaving gear is reaching parity with the modern stuff.

Stirring Things Up in California Politics?

As a voter who declines to state a party preference (DTS) I usually feel slighted during the California primary election. There are still lots of candidates in local races and ballot measures for me to decide. But I miss the plaintive tug at my sleeve offered by humble partisans seeking my love.

So, this year I requested a Republican mail-in ballot under a state law that attempts to keep us DTS types interested in voting by letting us muck about in other people's business. What fun.

Like many voters, including Republicans, I knew nothing about most of the GOP candidates other than their deep desire to be used as sacrificial lambs in the November election - at least around here. Absent knowledge, I turned to alternative decision making methodologies.

For instance, I opted for Orly Taitz over Damon Dunn in the secretary of state's race simply because I liked her name. Mike Villines got my nod for Insurance Commissioner because his opponent, Brian Fitzgerald listed his profession as "Department's Enforcement Attorney." Does anyone think the department really does that good of a job?

I asked myself whether we really needed more ex-prosecutors sitting as judges and voted for the non-DAs in all three local judicial races.

My negative mindset carried over to the governor's election. Meg Whitman's preferential treatment in IPOs when she sat on the Goldman Sachs board just didn't sit well with this morning's oatmeal so Steve Poizner got my vote. Similarly, Tom Campbell received my approval because Carly Fiorina had been "friended" by Sarah Palin and the radicals in the Tea Party.

As for the ballot measures, only Prop. 14 piqued my interest. If it's approved, the top two vote-earners in a primary race would appear on the general election ballot regardless of party affiliation. It shouldn't take more than 10 seconds of thought to realize how that system would rock California's complacent political infrastructure to its core.

And if nothing else, I'm all about stirring things up.

Soulful Miss USA Solves Middle East Crisis

"We are so often described as terrorists and killers, but we Shiites love life and beauty -- and mainly the beauty of the soul, which is what is so special about Rima."

-Afifa Fakih, aunt to Rima Fakih, soulful pole dancer and the first Arab-American chosen as Miss USA

No, the UK is Not a Democracy

The Brits were in a dither over who's going to run the country because they operate within a semi-feudal-anachronism rather than an honest-to-goodness democracy like ours.

Look at the facts:

The people are called "subjects" rather than "citizens" and never in their history have they been allowed to vote for their nation's leader. Instead, the head of government is selected by a handful of politicians and a hereditary monarch.

Without a vote of the people, the political party in power can swap out the head of government simply by choosing a new leader and any time it wants

There is no written constitution.

Some legislators are barred by law from voting on specific issues. Others are selected by the above-mentioned hereditary monarch and cannot be removed from office.

If the UK didn't possess nuclear weapons I might propose the U.S. invade and bring its people American-Style democracy.

Why Unemployment Will Remain High

Worker productivity is at an all-time high. Off the charts.

So, as our creaky, cranky economy slogs forward, companies will stretch overtime before hiring more employees. Given their increasing experience with "contingents," companies will consider contractors, consultants and temps before hiring more employees with all the burden.

How do we make a living? We stop thinking about "job" and start thinking about "work" to seize the second option.

"Fergie Toe-Job"

To me, UK daily journalism peaked on Aug. 20, 1992 when The Sun ran the above front-page headline and photo of the Duchess of York and her then-paramour, Texas rich guy John Bryan.

As reporters Robert Jobson and John Kay wrote, "This is the sensational picture of Fergie having her toes kissed that will finish her marriage for good."

I just found a copy of the original in my basement. Cool.

Three More Reasons Why Aliens Don't Visit Earth

Wisconsin has adopted an official state microbe -- lactococcus lactis, a bacterium used in the creation of cheddar and Monterey Jack cheese.

A 25-year-old man was beheaded in a sacrifice to the Hindu goddess Kali during a ceremony in a remote Indian village. Most Kali worshippers nowadays substitute pumpkins for heads, officials said.

Party girl Laura Hall, 20, has become the first person banned from every pub, club and liquor store in the UK.

How the UK Stifles Innovation

Paul Hutton wondered if his daughter's Barbie car might travel faster than its usual top speed of 4 mph if he added larger wheels. Unfortunately, he never found out because he was busted by Essex, England police during the the first test drive. For drunk driving.

The relative lack of threat to public safety prompted the judge to place him on probation for a year and nick him for £85 court costs rather than send him to jail. However, Hutton lost his driving privileges for three years because it was his second DUI conviction inside 10 years.

Teaching Bad Bankers A Lesson -- Sort Of

"As the White House and Congress consider a host of new regulations for Wall Street, a commission studying the financial crisis harshly criticized the heads of the nation's biggest banks Wednesday for their role in the near collapse of the economy in 2008." (MarketWatch)

"Despite leading their companies into the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, 92 percent of the senior officers and directors of the 17 top recipients of federal financial bailout funds are still in their posts."  (American Progress via The Week)

Street Economics 4Q 09

What happened to 3Q? I pulled the covers over my head as soon as people started saying “jobless recovery” with a straight face. Rest of the year? I’ve got lots of blankets and comforters to protect me.

A consumer-driven economy relies on consumer spending which doesn't exist without income of some sort.

Got it?

Thank you.

Malibu Beach Madness

See that cool house third from the left? It’s on the beach in the Malibu Colony west of LA.

Seems the owners couldn't’t make the payments because they lost all their money in the Bernie Madoff Scam and Wells Fargo Bank foreclosed.

Also seems that Wells Fargo SVP Cheronda Guyton – head of foreclosures – grabbed it as a no-cost, personal $12 million party spot. To keep her perk, she blocked efforts to show the house to potential buyers.

Wells Fargo’s a bit upset about the L.A. Times on this and it’s likely Guyton is on the fast track to unemployment.

But she could still be sleeping off hangovers to the sounds of Pacific waves if only she had connected with the right people.

You see, the people Guyton's bank kicked out had friends in the neighborhood and when they figured out what was going on, they ratted her out to the Times.

Ow. Yet, all she had to do in defense was to install some hip, young, unemployed people as house sitters. They (using her credit cards, of course) could have fronted the parties.

Nor would she have had to fend off potential buyers to maintain a westside presence. It’s the beach, she’s the head of foreclosures and the party is always on the move.

Sarah Palin? Sarah Who?

Sarah Palin's idiotic claim that proposed healthcare reform legislation provides for "death panels" failed to make Google's Top 100 Trends.

See ya around, baby.

Way Too Sad: Billy Mays Died from Cocaine

Hyperactive pitchman Billy Mays used cocaine days before his heart attack - and it killed him, officials said Friday.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/08/07/2009-08-07_tv_pitchman_billy_mays_.html#ixzz0NXMzztQm

Puppies and Babies Always Win

Anyone who hasn’t heard of Lilly, the five-legged puppy, is tuned into the wrong station.

Lilly now has just four legs thanks to Allyson Siegel from Charlotte, N.C., who paid $4,000 to rescue the Chihuahua-terrier mix and have the extra appendage removed.

Get out your checkbooks, though. There are rumors of lawsuits from the freak-show owner Siegel outbid.