Warren Buffett's Successor Isn't Bill Bucy

Time

The announcement that Warren Buffett anointed a successor as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway set off an avalanche of rumors, most of them ranking me as the No. 1 candidate.

Not true. I'm too busy for the foreseeable future and there's not enough money in the world to get me to move to Omaha, Nebraska. Well, maybe.

I Dare You To Find This News Story

"The woman said she found out her house had burned down while watching the news with Maxwell, who told her the house needed to be burned to get rid of his fingerprints..."

OK. It's too bizarre and you have to read it. 

Steve Jobs Was More Important Than Me

Mashable.com

I know this because the FBI kept a file on Jobs and the last time I checked that sterling law enforcement agency declared it had no idea who I was.

Worse: the file said Steve tended to "distort reality" to achieve his goals and my wife says the same thing about me all the time

Damn.